June 24, 2016

The first time I squeezed a schmear of toothpaste onto my toothbrush and it fell off into the sink was the day I understood that I was cursed. I don't know who cursed me or why, but they're an asshole. Anyone who curses a seven year old kid can only be an asshole.

The curse: First, be late as hell. Then squeeze a schmear of toothpaste on the toothbrush. If it flops off into the sink, the rest of your day is screwed, and so it's been since the first time that shit happened.

Let me be clear for those of you wh...

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