A list of sh*t that makes me happy aka f**k Valentine's Day and the horse it road in on

February 14, 2017

1. Wine.

It's delicious, damn it, and can be paired with ANYTHING. A nice Cabernet goes beautifully with Special K with Red Berries and I've got a sauv blanc in my fridge right now with subtle grassy notes that really brings out the fried in French fries.

 

2. My electric blanket.

It has no fear of my feet, which we all know are not in the best shape.

 

3. Taboo on FX

I understand some people have a thing for Tom Hardy, but I always confused him with the Tom Hardy who wrote Jude the Obscure. So friends would be all, "OMG Tom Hardy #I'dtapthatass #I'dcheatonmyhusband #thethingsIcoulddowiththatmouth." And I'd be all, "dude, that mf is dead af."

 

HOWEVER, have you seen him on Taboo? Lord a'mercy! I'm definitely feelin' him now. Spoiler Alert: Is it wrong that I find him so attractive that I'm kinda routing in favor of the incest if only to see him naked?

 

4. Food

Anything will do, really, but I do love a good cheese plate. Give me some crackers, hummus, cured meats and veg (for color only) and I'm in heaven. I'll be bloated and constipated, but I'll be in heaven.

 

5. Benadryl

I take one and then watch Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on the Food Network. Other people do drugs, make out with random people and party like it's 1999. This is my version of doing something really crazy.

 

6. A good BM

TMI? Hey, I'm of an age where a successful bowel movement can make or break my day.

 

7. My dog

She just wants to go where I go and do everything that I do. In a human being, this behavior would be creepy, but it works for a dog.

 

8. Drive throughs and delivery

How can one spend a 3-day weekend unwashed and in pajamas and slippers? Drive throughs and delivery to the rescue.

 

9. Journal porn

I love a good notebook. That wall at Barnes & Noble that has all the useless shit on it? Oh, mi corazón!

 

10. Law and Order reruns

Not SVU or CI, but the originator.

 

11. My dad

All we need to be entirely happy is vodka martinis and jazz. We've actually spent 3 real hours together sans any kind of conversation with the exception of  "refresher?" and "thank you."

 

12. Subversive unicorns

Yasssss

 

 

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